Q: When are 2mm more painful than 35mm?

A. When It's a Kidney Stone.

Yesterday evening Alicia and I had dinner with my Mom and Amanda, and during dinner (possibly before) I started getting a weird, dull ache in the lower portion of my back. I assumed it was from carrying presents for the past few days, especially the TV we got for Alicia's Mom and Dad for Christmas, which I was carrying all by myself. Although Back pain is not really a problem I usually have an issue with, I thought " Oh well, I guess I'm getting older..."

After dinner we did a touch more shopping, finishing off the complete list, but the back ache was a bit worse. I laid on the floor, and Alicia showed me some back stretching and relaxation excercises, which DID feel good, but nothing seemed to work.

I went to use the restroom, and while there, became CONSUMED with a ferocious pain now in my front and abdomen. I got a terrible chill, teeth chatering and most of my muscles spasming and contracting involuntarily.

I really wasn't that scared, because at this point I pretty much knew exactly what it was.

11 Years ago, at the ripe old age of 21, I had my first kidney stone. I took an ambulance to the ER in Brooklyn (a. I didn't have a car. b. seriously thought I was dying). Once I passed that one, the doctor told me that if I was 21 and havng a stone, then my body just is going to keep making them, and he could pretty much gurantee that I would have them for the rest of my life.

11 years go by with no incident, but the loaded gun has been pointed at the back of my head the entire time.

I came out of the bathroom last night, and told Alicia with nearly 100% certainty that I had a stone, and needed to go to the ER right now. (it was now 11:30 at night, David Letterman had just come on the tv) She drove us to St. Joseph's er, mercifully only a 5 minute ride (have I mentioned that the Holiday Inn we stay at is in just about the most convenient location in the world?)

Checked in to the ER, was in triage about 15 minutes later (15 looooong minutes of agony, as well as a TV in the waiting room blaring Mike Huckabee on False News) and they weeled me into a room where I proceeded to die and ressurect, not unlike the Phoenix.

4:00am the worst appeared over, so they sent us home with a doping of morphine, a prescription for Percoset, and a bunch of paper strainers to pee into until it passes.

Got a few hours of sleep, awoke for 2 x conference calls for work, and I am officially taking it easy today (not that my body would allow me to do anything differently, anyway!

And to my ever anxious parents, Congrats, you are now Grandparents for the second time! This new baby's name is "Calcie" and she is 2 mm...

let's hope I get 11 more years of peace after this one...

Merry Christmas to me.